We are doing a marriage series at church. It has been great. This past Sunday we listened to a podcast by Perry Noble. He is a very interesting speaker and I love his message deliverance. His message was entitled are you fighting in your marriage or for your marriage. It was really good. There was one part particularly that has just stuck with me. He asked if we focus on our rights or focus on our responsibilities? There is so much to unpack with that question. If you look at American culture, it is definitely a "rights" based people. Obviously I believe in civil rights, and am not referring to human equality.
I am speaking of our basic responsibilities as Christ followers, wives, mothers and people that juggle numerous relationships. To ponder this rights vs responsibilities challenge I think looking at it backwards works best.
As friends, we have the "right" to cut people off when they harm us, when something cuts deep and we can no longer trust or feel as if the relationship is viable, but what if our responsibilities looked different? As mothers we have the "right" to allow or children to act out, or overwhelms us, or take our focus off God and our husbands because our world revolves around them, but what are our responsibilities? And as a wife, biblically, there are rights we could cling to when our husbands "fail" in certain ways, but what are our responsibilities? And finally, what are our "rights" as Christ followers? This actually answers each and every one of these rights vs responsibility questions. This is not the feel good answer, this is not the popular answer, nor is this an american culture answer this is the answer that brings forth restoration. This is the answer that changes us to the core of who we are and how we view every person we encounter. What if we viewed our lives as opportunities to be molded into the likeness of the One we claim to believe in? Yes we grasp forgiveness, and we grasp being kind, maybe even loving our enemies, but do we grasp suffering to become like Christ? Scripture has a lot to say about our suffering. it says we are going to suffer, and even further in that we are molded to BE like Christ through our own suffering. I do not believe that we are like Christ aside from suffering. We may experience His love and forgiveness, His kindness and compassion, but to truly be like Him we must suffer. This is certainly not what is commonly taught, but this is what God has shown me. The scriptures say in
Philippians 3:10
I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like him in his death.
Colossians 1:24
Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.
2 Thessalonians 1:5
All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering
2 Timothy 1:12
That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.
Suffering in marriage is not a popular thought process. We can easily divorce, in fact its encouraged in many cases. This week i want to break down why we self preserve. Why suffering is considered something we avoid, and how restorative changing that perspective can be. This is an area that God has totally transformed my mind with. It can be transforming to your relationship, but more importantly to the very being of who you are in Him. It is very difficult, but well worth the end result.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Preparation
Its amazing how many things that are laid out for us in scripture. For some reason we skim over these amazing bits of advice and go to other sources instead. In my own life/marriage I am blessed to have a group of Godly women who are not afraid to tell me the truth- This was not always true. I remember several "expert advisors" who gave me extremely detrimental advice. Most even women who called themselves believers.
My question today is who are you listening too? Who is in your life that you trust to tell you like it is? Who helps prepare your heart in times you need humility and wisdom?
Esther had Mordecai. She trusted him, and listened to his counsel. He had taken her in as an orphan and taken care of her as his own. There are many things to be learned here, but I want to focus on the voices around us.
There have been several times in my own marriage where i jumped without preparation. I reacted solely based on my emotional state without preparing my heart before God and listening to His heart before sinking into the selfishness of my own desires. Each and every time I handle a big issue in my relationship with my spouse in this way it 100% of the time fails.
Look at Esther. The scriptures say that Esther was groomed and prepared for 12 months. I see a stark parallel for marriage in this. I think about how many opportunity's during this time that Esther must have role-played in her mind what she would say to the King. I can imagine her bouncing her ideas off her maidens. I bet she changed her script many many times.
I can look back on my marriage and see how much better big situations that I had to deal with would have ended if I had taken time to prepare. Now obviously there are some things that have to be dealt with before a 12 month period, but nonetheless taking time to pray for God to take away any bitterness in my heart, and giving me wisdom and gentleness in my words are well worth waiting On the other side we see that God was also working on the King's heart. Just because King Xerxes was not a man of God, does not mean that God was not setting the stage to prepare his heart.
Many times the huge issues that have arisen in my marriage are met with my quick anger and foolish words. I had been wronged and gosh dang it my husband was going to hear about it as soon as he picks up his phone or walks in the door. If i would have just taken the time to let God prepare my heart and tongue, seek Godly counsel, and allow God to prepare my husbands heart-what a difference it would have made. I am fully aware of how difficult this is, but the rewards are great. Our tongue can be so destructive. My daughter heard a very interesting truth, and with this I will close. Our tongue can be our greatest enemy. It can quickly bring death into our homes and squelch the love and emotional fulfillment we desire in our marriage. God created snakes mouths so that they cannot bite down on themselves kill themselves with the venom in their mouths, with us this is not so. We can poison ourselves and everyone around us with the venom of anger, bitterness and unkindness. We must constantly prepare our hearts so our tongues might speak life, and in doing so bring the healing in our homes that brings repentance and reconciliation.
My question today is who are you listening too? Who is in your life that you trust to tell you like it is? Who helps prepare your heart in times you need humility and wisdom?
Esther had Mordecai. She trusted him, and listened to his counsel. He had taken her in as an orphan and taken care of her as his own. There are many things to be learned here, but I want to focus on the voices around us.
There have been several times in my own marriage where i jumped without preparation. I reacted solely based on my emotional state without preparing my heart before God and listening to His heart before sinking into the selfishness of my own desires. Each and every time I handle a big issue in my relationship with my spouse in this way it 100% of the time fails.
Look at Esther. The scriptures say that Esther was groomed and prepared for 12 months. I see a stark parallel for marriage in this. I think about how many opportunity's during this time that Esther must have role-played in her mind what she would say to the King. I can imagine her bouncing her ideas off her maidens. I bet she changed her script many many times.
I can look back on my marriage and see how much better big situations that I had to deal with would have ended if I had taken time to prepare. Now obviously there are some things that have to be dealt with before a 12 month period, but nonetheless taking time to pray for God to take away any bitterness in my heart, and giving me wisdom and gentleness in my words are well worth waiting On the other side we see that God was also working on the King's heart. Just because King Xerxes was not a man of God, does not mean that God was not setting the stage to prepare his heart.
Many times the huge issues that have arisen in my marriage are met with my quick anger and foolish words. I had been wronged and gosh dang it my husband was going to hear about it as soon as he picks up his phone or walks in the door. If i would have just taken the time to let God prepare my heart and tongue, seek Godly counsel, and allow God to prepare my husbands heart-what a difference it would have made. I am fully aware of how difficult this is, but the rewards are great. Our tongue can be so destructive. My daughter heard a very interesting truth, and with this I will close. Our tongue can be our greatest enemy. It can quickly bring death into our homes and squelch the love and emotional fulfillment we desire in our marriage. God created snakes mouths so that they cannot bite down on themselves kill themselves with the venom in their mouths, with us this is not so. We can poison ourselves and everyone around us with the venom of anger, bitterness and unkindness. We must constantly prepare our hearts so our tongues might speak life, and in doing so bring the healing in our homes that brings repentance and reconciliation.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Battle of Character
Character, what does that mean? As I am reading in Esther I began to jot down character qualities of King Xerxes. I wanted to compare and contrast these with Mordecai and Esther. I think many times we take people's emotions out of the bible. We hear incredible stories, and interpret them as extraordinary events with robotic actions. When reading the first chapter of Esther, I was struck by the emotions that Esther must have been feeling to even be asked let alone expected to be in a position to win the heart of the King.
Reading his characteristics I see pride, arrogance, extreme boastfulness, and a lust and desire for women. Now many argue this as just the culture of this time, and this is what Kings were expected to do. I also have skimmed over this and chalked it up to the time and culture. That is not what i want to focus on here. The focus is God knew how ungodly the king was, and he still asked Esther to win his heart in order to protect and save her family and people.....
This is very convicting to me. I have often looked at my marriage and held on to my selfishness because I deemed the acts committed against me as ungodly and therefore saw no need to submit or even be kind. I felt as if God was on my side in this because I was living for Him and He agreed with me. How did i get this completely destructive thought process? The enemy.
The scriptures say Pride goes before destruction. My actions defined pride in its rawest form. My sin slapped me in the face, and it hurt. What an incredible parallel.
God has asked us as Godly women to love our husbands, and submit to them, not if he deserves it, but because God commands it. Period. Ouch. We are to win the hearts of our husband to save our families. To protect our families from the enemy who is NOT flesh and blood. Our battle has many dimensions. We cant even get to the battle line because the deception of self ambition keeps us blind and frozen to the real war. Its time to change this. We must repent to God for our sins and turn to face the real battle. We must begin to equip and prepare ourselves to be presented as a warrior in our homes who refuses to give one more moment to glorify the enemy.
Reading his characteristics I see pride, arrogance, extreme boastfulness, and a lust and desire for women. Now many argue this as just the culture of this time, and this is what Kings were expected to do. I also have skimmed over this and chalked it up to the time and culture. That is not what i want to focus on here. The focus is God knew how ungodly the king was, and he still asked Esther to win his heart in order to protect and save her family and people.....
This is very convicting to me. I have often looked at my marriage and held on to my selfishness because I deemed the acts committed against me as ungodly and therefore saw no need to submit or even be kind. I felt as if God was on my side in this because I was living for Him and He agreed with me. How did i get this completely destructive thought process? The enemy.
The scriptures say Pride goes before destruction. My actions defined pride in its rawest form. My sin slapped me in the face, and it hurt. What an incredible parallel.
God has asked us as Godly women to love our husbands, and submit to them, not if he deserves it, but because God commands it. Period. Ouch. We are to win the hearts of our husband to save our families. To protect our families from the enemy who is NOT flesh and blood. Our battle has many dimensions. We cant even get to the battle line because the deception of self ambition keeps us blind and frozen to the real war. Its time to change this. We must repent to God for our sins and turn to face the real battle. We must begin to equip and prepare ourselves to be presented as a warrior in our homes who refuses to give one more moment to glorify the enemy.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
In the Midst
It is a constant battle for me to keep my needs in check in my marriage. I sometimes go weeks and months concentrating on what needs of mine are not being met. What "biblical" things I believe are not being full filled. This self obsession is not only destructive to me, but my entire family and gives free reign to the enemy to keep me from my objective.
Regardless of what we think we deserve, the truth is selfish ambition is not God's plan for our lives. Period. We often define selfish ambition as getting to the top of an organization, ministry or job, but the selfish ambition in our homes, in my opinion, is so much more damaging. It begins a cycle of blame and self pity that often leads to divorce.
Pride is the root. Pride which is a complete contradiction to Jesus. We wallow all day in self pity, then have our guns drawn when our spouses walk in. We may not meet him with a list of he things we feel we have been wronged in, but we utilize each and every opportunity to make sure he knows where he has failed to do his job-
Often this stems from situations where we have been wronged. In my own marriage I have battled extreme insecurity due to poor decisions and addictions that my husband has made or had. I wear these insecurities at times as a breastplate of self righteousness. Like I deserve to hold to my bitterness and anger because i have been humiliated and wronged. The idea on these days of winning my husbands heart and favor is laughable at best. These are the self pity days that put me on my crazy-go-round and blind me from my true battle. These are the days that Ephesian 6 is a distant memory squashed by the bitterness and pride that says I deserve more-
I was humbled by an article that a wise friend of mine sent me which propelled me to do an in-depth study of Queen Esther. We have all read the story, but have we applied it to our lives? or do we see it as not relevant? I will be blogging my parallel of what I believe is so applicable as wives that have suffered insecurity in marriage due to the bondage of lust. I will weave my own experiences through this incredible journey of a woman unlike anyone else in the bible. God has audibly spoken to me with her story, and I want to share what He reveals in hopes to help you get to the ultimate plan designed for your life.
Regardless of what we think we deserve, the truth is selfish ambition is not God's plan for our lives. Period. We often define selfish ambition as getting to the top of an organization, ministry or job, but the selfish ambition in our homes, in my opinion, is so much more damaging. It begins a cycle of blame and self pity that often leads to divorce.
Pride is the root. Pride which is a complete contradiction to Jesus. We wallow all day in self pity, then have our guns drawn when our spouses walk in. We may not meet him with a list of he things we feel we have been wronged in, but we utilize each and every opportunity to make sure he knows where he has failed to do his job-
Often this stems from situations where we have been wronged. In my own marriage I have battled extreme insecurity due to poor decisions and addictions that my husband has made or had. I wear these insecurities at times as a breastplate of self righteousness. Like I deserve to hold to my bitterness and anger because i have been humiliated and wronged. The idea on these days of winning my husbands heart and favor is laughable at best. These are the self pity days that put me on my crazy-go-round and blind me from my true battle. These are the days that Ephesian 6 is a distant memory squashed by the bitterness and pride that says I deserve more-
I was humbled by an article that a wise friend of mine sent me which propelled me to do an in-depth study of Queen Esther. We have all read the story, but have we applied it to our lives? or do we see it as not relevant? I will be blogging my parallel of what I believe is so applicable as wives that have suffered insecurity in marriage due to the bondage of lust. I will weave my own experiences through this incredible journey of a woman unlike anyone else in the bible. God has audibly spoken to me with her story, and I want to share what He reveals in hopes to help you get to the ultimate plan designed for your life.
Recognizing your Battle
The scriptures say: Our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world (Ephesians 6:12)
This is a clear depiction of spiritual warfare. Many times in my own life i get so wrapped up in my "flesh needs" that I loose sight of the warfare taking place for the lives of my husband and children.
We live in a society of moral complacency. The norm has shifted to accept things as being "just our nature". This has to change.
We have to recognize and fight the battles, as painful as they sometimes can be.
This is what this blog will be about. Our battle. Our battle to protect our families. Our battle to win the hearts of our husbands. Our battle to take back the ideal of what is the "norm". This is a blog about my personal battle, my personal journey. I have not yet been completely victorious, but am still in the trenches, and enjoy small wins. I hope to encourage woman in the painful reality of sin, first our own and then how to cope with the sins that often creep in and try to destroy us. I want to encourage woman to get off the crazy-go-round, focus on the enemy and use our most powerful weapons to bring restoration in our lives and in our homes.
This is a clear depiction of spiritual warfare. Many times in my own life i get so wrapped up in my "flesh needs" that I loose sight of the warfare taking place for the lives of my husband and children.
We live in a society of moral complacency. The norm has shifted to accept things as being "just our nature". This has to change.
We have to recognize and fight the battles, as painful as they sometimes can be.
This is what this blog will be about. Our battle. Our battle to protect our families. Our battle to win the hearts of our husbands. Our battle to take back the ideal of what is the "norm". This is a blog about my personal battle, my personal journey. I have not yet been completely victorious, but am still in the trenches, and enjoy small wins. I hope to encourage woman in the painful reality of sin, first our own and then how to cope with the sins that often creep in and try to destroy us. I want to encourage woman to get off the crazy-go-round, focus on the enemy and use our most powerful weapons to bring restoration in our lives and in our homes.
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